[FW] Imagine relating to song lyrics 🤡

Not me literally being frightened to say anything about anything that makes me uncomfortable. The thing is that when the situation happens again and again where you feel comfortable in a relationship/friendship, you say something like you venting or you say “this makes me feel uncomfortable” it always goes to:
- yelling
- an argument
- saying it’s okay then bringing it up later to use against me
- telling me I’m overreacting
- “it ruins the moment”
- “you’re just being selfish”
- it turns into a whole thing

I can’t, this has happened in most of my friendships and relationships. Is it my fault? It always happens, it’s like I feel like im the problem or Im just too gullible,, I’m just so confused it’s so confusing, why can’t it stop? Am I the problem? I just can’t I just feel like I’m lost and can’t get out.

It’s also like when you are there for people in their worst times but when it comes to you, there is never anyone, because they leave, or they just make it worse, or it’s “I feel like an emotional baggage.” What, im sorry, I just.. I.. idk

Why do I feel like it’s so gross and I just feel like maybe it’s my fault?.. I feel like I’m not the victim, I feel like I just brought this to myself,.. fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FICK ☹️

I just hate it here, I want out, please. I’m so tired of the constant friendships and relationships that end up with me getting hurt in some way.

I feel like I’m starting to derealtize so ill ednd it here I’m sorry for this vent

It’s deteriorating my mental health so badly. I just want to be happy.