Good selection of jokes! Whats that hairy thing mum?

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⬇️ The Joke ⬇️

1.I got in a huge fight with my wife this morning.
2.At the end of it though, she came crawling to me on her hands and knees, and you know what she said?
3."Get out from under the bed you fucking pussy!"


1.A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs.
2.The female cashier says: "You must be single."
3.The man answers: “Wow, how did you know that?”
4.Cashier: “Because you’re ugly.”


1.Boy in the bath with his mum.
2.Boy says, "Whats that hairy thing mum ?"
3.Mum replies, "That is my sponge."
4."Oh yes," says the boy, "The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it ."


1.My girlfriend gave me a beard oil that feels good an smells great.
2.More important, she gets very turned on by the aroma. Our make out sessions are amazing.
3.If it works so well for kissing, I wondered what would happen if I oiled my pubes?
4.So I oiled up and went to visit her.
5.Told her I had a surprise and asked her to wait in the bedroom with her eyes closed.
6.I dropped my pants and walked up to her with my crotch in her face. She got a huge smile and said
7.When did you get a nose job?


1.2 girls meet:
2."Me & my husband are no longer together..."
3."Why?"
4."Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?"
5."No, of course I couldn't!"
6."Well he couldn't either!"


1.This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
2.I was staring at boobs and she said "Press One?"
3.So I did...
4.I don't remember much after that.


1.HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
2.Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her,
3.buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.
4.HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
5.Arrive naked... with beer.

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